Parenting is a delicate balancing act. It can be difficult to know if your child is ready to complete a task you have asked her to do or if you are holding her back by not letting her try out a new skill. You need to evaluate her skill to see what she is ready to try.

When she is young, she is more willing to try different ways to learn. Take advantage of her willingness to try new ways of learning new skills.

For instance, how can you tell if she can carry a full glass of milk or juice across a room and set it on the table without spilling it? She should be able to do this around the age of 5, but it obviously varies from child to child. You can let her try and possibly end up with a juice puddle to clean and frayed nerves to go with it.

Or you can start with a stage of the task that is easier and slowly work your way up to the more difficult version of the task. For example:

• Start off by making sure she can tell you why it is important not to spill.

• Then put her on a surface where spills are easy to clean like tile or linoleum.

• Have her carry juice in a covered sippy cup and make sure she understands to carry it upright.

• Then let her try carrying an uncovered cup half-filled with water. When she succeeds, move on to three-quarters, then to a full cup.

• When she can carry a full cup with confidence, change over to juice or milk. Fill the cup to half full if it makes both of you more comfortable.

• If she can do this, you may be ready to try it over carpet.

Any difficult activity you want her to learn can be broken down into small steps. These sound like they are very small steps that might take a long time. Even if they do, remember, you are teaching her more than how to bring juice into the room.

You are teaching her how to be careful and how to learn a new skill. That is a great lesson.

Let her know how pleased you are when she succeeds. Realize that mistakes will happen, but if you handle them without fuss, she will continue to want to learn.

Special hint about spring plants

Now is a great time to teach her about growing in the springtime. Find some seeds that are fast growers and give your child a lesson about plants. Check them regularly and talk about what is going to happen.

This science lesson is one she will remember. Be sure to ask her what she thinks will happen. Have her tell others about her “experiment.”

Don’t forget to make a big deal about the beautiful flowers she has grown.

Cynthia Martin is the founder of the First Teacher program and former executive director of Parenting Matters Foundation, which published newsletters for parents, caregivers and grandparents.

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